


i don't want to think anymore

by churrosim



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Bad Ending, Brainwashing, M/M, Mind Control, Persona 5: The Royal, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, based off of p5r's sleep bad end, maruki trying his best but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:15:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25219147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/churrosim/pseuds/churrosim
Summary: Goro Akechi was the only person left who could even stand against this disgustingly false reality.Yoshizawa fell back into her delusions. The cat remained a human (as odd as that was), Kitagawa stayed with his now-kind master, Takamaki was closer to the Suzui girl than ever, insufferable Sakamoto was the star of the track team, the Nijima sisters finally found the justice they so desired. Okumura and Sakura got another chance after Akechi robbed them of their first one.And Kurusu. The one who knew Akechi better than anyone in this world, false or not.Was gone.Missing.Hasn’t been seen since their last conversation at Leblanc.Forgotten by everyone.(a look into the consequences and akechi's thoughts with the bad end to maruki's palace.)
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 11
Kudos: 211





	i don't want to think anymore

Goro Akechi's thoughts barely belonged to him anymore.

Takuto Maruki’s hellish tendrils were distorting this world- this reality, and Akechi’s thoughts along with it.

_You should just accept it,_ a familiar but deeply unnatural voice whispered in his mind. _It’s everything you want, you know. I’m not going to force you, but.. you know what’ll become of you if you refuse._

The boy clenched his jaw, trying to keep these intrusive thoughts from becoming louder. It would be so, so easy, to simply give in to the temptations and-

But Akechi wouldn’t do such a thing. He’d much rather die, and he definitely was vocal about that. He needed to keep his thoughts his own, keep his mind sharp, keep his resolve strong.

Because at this point, Goro Akechi was the only person left who could even stand against this disgustingly false reality. Yoshizawa fell back into her delusions. The cat remained a human (as odd as that was), Kitagawa stayed with his now-kind master, Takamaki was closer to the Suzui girl than ever, insufferable Sakamoto was the star of the track team, the Niijima sisters finally found the justice they so desired. Okumura and Sakura got another chance after Akechi robbed them of their first one.

And Kurusu. The one who knew Akechi better than anyone in this world, false or not.

Was gone.

Missing.

Hasn’t been seen since their last conversation at Leblanc.

Forgotten by everyone.

Akechi had asked around, but everyone looked at him like he had two heads whenever he mentioned Kurusu’s name. Even the elder Sakura had no idea about the boy who lived in his cafe’s attic mere days prior. Kurusu’s contact was gone from his phone completely. It was like the boy’s very existence was absolutely erased.

God, was it sickening. Akira’s existence gone from the minds of everybody he held dear, his very self taken away like he was some sort of ill-fitting puzzle piece, instead of a real, living, breathing person who deserved to be remembered much more than Goro ever did. The thought made the former Detective Prince want to vomit.

He snapped himself out of his thoughts with a sigh.

The dim light of his cramped apartment was lulling him into a dizzy half-sleep that he tried to fight off.

Maruki’s influence was growing stronger. Akechi’s will was fading, and he could vividly feel it.

An idea popped up in Akechi’s mind. _Check the attic_.

Akechi stood up from his chair with a jolt, surprised that he hadn’t thought of that before. Of course some hints would be there… He was glad to have finally found some inkling of an answer of what became of Akira Kurusu.

Hastily putting his jacket on, Akechi left his apartment and ran down the staircase of the building. He didn’t even spare a second to grab his bike, trying to run to Leblanc as fast as he could, his breath cloudy in the cold air of the night. The falsified thoughts were buzzing around his mind, blurring and dizzying his vision.

But he wouldn’t stop.

Goro Akechi couldn’t afford to stop now. Kurusu’s life- his very existence was hanging in the balance- and Akechi knew damn well he was the only one who could do a thing about it.

And for him, for Akira Kurusu, the one true bond that Akechi could ever make, he’d keep going.

* * *

Akechi arrived in the back streets of Yongen-Jaya around half an hour later, out of breath and thoroughly exhausted.

His body was slumped against a lamp post, his heavy panting being the only sound in the dark silence of the frigid night.

_You should just rest here a while. Close your eyes. You’ll be okay in the morning. It would be so easy for you to fall asleep here, Akechi-Kun. It’s okay. You can atone- you won't have to worry about a thing anymore._

The voice of Takuto Maruki echoed in his mind once more, threatening to take over any sense of rational thought that still remained. The boy’s maroon eyes fluttered closed as his breathing began to slow.

His arms went limp at his sides as a relaxed sensation began to take over. It was so nice here, and he was already starting to doze off..

He thought of Akira Kurusu’s gray eyes, brimming with months of words unsaid in the light of the old cafe where they both stood, his shaky voice telling Akechi his life wasn’t trivial-

Maroon eyes opened with a jolt. Get it together, damn it. You can’t fail this now.

Akechi clenched his fists so hard that his muscles began to ache from the tension. He had to ground himself. Maruki’s influence was growing more and more by the second, and he almost fell victim to it.

“Damn you,” he growled, hoping Maruki would hear and finally take the hint to get out of his mind. “I’ve had enough of your pompous bullshit!”

His fist made contact with the lamp post, the impact of the blow causing the fabric of his black gloves to tear at the knuckles. His panting returned, the boy’s icy breath clear under the light. He heard Maruki’s small melancholic sigh echoing in his head. Whatever. The man could rot away alone for all Goro cares.

With another heavy and exhausted pant, Akechi walked to the entrance of Leblanc, the dull pain radiating through his hand keeping him grounded in his own mind. Sojiro Sakura had long since closed up shop, but the door was curiously unlocked. Strange, but Akechi paid it no mind. Nothing was normal anymore, so an unlocked door wasn’t much of a surprise to him. This was supposed to be the perfect reality after all, Akechi mused. The door was probably unlocked simply because Akechi wanted it to be.

Akechi cautiously turned the doorknob and headed into the cafe, trying to make as little noise as possible. His hand fumbled for a light switch on the walls, his vision limited by the dark cover of the night.

The place looked different once the lights were on. A bit newer, more appealing to potential customers. It looked.. much better, Akechi had to admit.

Even so, the oddities cause Akechi to frown bitterly. These changes were no doubt caused by Maruki, born from the wishes of Sojiro Sakura. It was fucking disgusting. The actualized reality caused Akechi’s stomach to churn. He had to fix this, for the sake of everyone. For Akira.

_I’m only doing this to help everyone. Please, can’t you just try and see that? You and I both know how much people are suffering. Even you deserve another chance, Akechi-Kun-_

“Shut up!” Goro yelled, running his hands roughly through his hair. “Enough of your shit!” He hissed, no longer caring about controlling his impulsive words. “I don’t want to be here- you know as well as I do that I shouldn’t be alive!” His voice was ragged and harsh, halfway between rational and utterly deranged.

Goro Akechi hated Takuto Maruki with every fiber of his being.

A reality with everyone’s wishes granted meant nothing if the residents were all brainless puppets with no free will of their own.

Goro closed the door to the cafe as quietly as he could after his recent outburst, a sense of urgently creeping up through him. He needed to find Akira, now. He had to. Goro climbed up the creaky old stairs to the attic where Akira stayed.

Immediately, Akechi let out a small sneeze at how dusty the place was- much more than normal. Like it hadn’t been cleaned in a while. Akira was well, Akira, but it wasn’t like him to keep his room this dirty. None of this behavior was like Akira at all. It felt incredibly wrong.. even more so than anything else about this reality.

Taking out his phone and turning on the flashlight, Goro looked around at the newly illuminated attic. The place was covered in cobwebs and dust. Akira’s phone was haphazardly thrown on the floor, screen cracked and presumably broken. The room clearly hasn’t been cleaned in what seemed like months.

And the worst part of it all. Akira Kurusu lying upon the old mattress, trapped in slumber.

His ribs were visible through his shirt, making the boy look like he hadn’t eaten in what looked like years to Akechi. Akira’s skin was deathly pale, almost gray in certain angles. Akechi would’ve thought for certain that his rival was dead, if not for the pathetically feeble rise-and-fall of his chest.

“Shit-“ Akechi hissed, dropping his phone as he rushed over to Akira. “Kurusu-Kun. Wake up.” Akechi harshly shook his rival, not restraining in his rush to wake the other boy up. “Hey. Akira. Come on. Akira’s please-“ The brunet sounded urgent, trying to rouse Akira from his slumber.

Akira’s skin was freezing. Akechi could feel it through his gloves. Akechi had seen corpses that looked better than this.

“I’m sorry that I had to do this to him… he couldn’t make his choice.” Akechi quickly turned around to be faced with Takuto fucking Maruki. Just the man he wanted to see.

“You.” Akechi growled, eyes narrowing at the doctor. “You disgusting piece of shit…”

Maruki looked melancholic towards Akira’s sleeping figure. “I didn’t want to do this to him. Akechi-Kun, he couldn’t make a choice because of you.”

“Because of me? I told him how I felt. You did this and you know it.” Akechi stood up, glaring daggers at the man before him.

“Even so, he couldn’t just send you to die. He wanted to honor your wishes, but you were his biggest regret. He wanted to save you, and he didn’t want to lose that chance.”

“You son of a bitch! Quit using me as a bargaining chip to control him!” Akechi yelled, grabbing Maruki by the collar. “I don’t want to be used as a puppet again! How hard is that for you to understand..” The former detective prince was seething with rage.

“I’m not using you. I’m fully aware that you may see it that way, but I’m not just using you to control Akira’s choice.” Maruki had no reaction to Akechi was treating him, other than wearing a gentle frown. “He was torturing himself trying to choose. I needed to help him- I couldn’t watch as he destroyed himself trying to make a decision. Now, Akira doesn’t need to think anymore about it. He doesn’t need to think at all.”

Akechi let go of the councilor’s collar in shock. “That’s-... what you did to him..?” He looked horrified as he took a shaky step back, collapsing to his knees in front of the bed. “You-.. you’re insane..” The fact that someone as strong, someone as incredible as Akira was reduced to a hollowed-out husk of a person, just from Maruki's sheer power... Goro Akechi was absolutely terrified of Takuto Maruki.

“I wanted to show you how badly this choice was affecting him.. that’s why I told you to check here in the first place.”

Akechi’s eyes shot back up with another wave of shock. How deep into his mind had Maruki entered? The boy reeled back in a new bout of surprise. “How-.. how did you-“

“Does that matter?” Maruki cut the boy off, shaking his head morosely. “You needed to see this. It’d be unfair for you to not know this when it was time to make a decision.”

“You already know my goddamn decision! Akira didn’t want this! He never asked for this. Everyone forgot about him completely- you know as well as I do that he never wanted that!”

“Is it really awful what I’ve done to him? He couldn’t choose- I only tried to help. I removed him from everyone’s cognition because I didn’t want to stress him out even further. I saved him, Akechi-Kun.” Takuto Maruki smiled as he took a step closer. “And I’m going to save you too.”

Akechi held tightly onto Akira’s limp hand. “Stay away from him.” He tried to mask the shaking in his voice, to no avail. The veins of Maruki’s Persona crept into the room, giving it an unnatural glow. Akechi gripped Akira’s hand even tighter, eyes wide in fear.

“Akechi-Kun. You don’t have to worry anymore. You want this- I know you do.” Maruki’s voice echoed in Akechi’s head while he spoke.

_I want this._ Akechi’s own voice was now the one speaking within his mind as the artificial glow in the room increased. The grip on Akira’s hand loosened.

“Stop it... you bastard..” Akechi strained out through gritted teeth, attempting to fight off Maruki’s influence. “Don’t….don’t do this to me..” He trailed off, breathing becoming labored.

_I want this._

“I’ll see you later, Akechi-Kun.” Takuto Maruki turned around, leaving the dusty attic.

_I want this_.

Maroon eyes went glossed-over and cloudy. Limbs became slack and relaxed. Breathing slowed.

“...I want this.”

Goro Akechi squeezed Akira Kurusu’s hand one last time before his consciousness faded. He didn’t stay conscious long enough to notice the butterfly withering out in his vision, attempting to reach him.

He wanted this- and Goro Akechi got what he wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> hi wow i am rlly not confident in my writing skills and it!!! it fucken shows!!   
> this is my first work actually submitted into the persona 5 category and i really hope it's okay!! the bad end of royal messed with me really bad and i felt absolutely compelled to write my own take on it.   
> i miss goro akechi a lot. he was so cool. shuake brainworms  
> anyways hi i hope this wasnt terrible


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